A couple of years ago for Mother's Day, I made my mom a notebook full of things that my mom taught me. Inside it I wrote some of the most profound things that she taught me like, "Never look for your own happiness inside of someone else." I also included some of the funny little things that I remember, like "When your cassette player starts eating more tapes than it plays, take it out in the garage and beat it with a hammer." (She didn't say that. She DID that!)

In the past two and a half months, my mom has taught me enough things to fill another notebook. Today I was reminded of one of the more recent pieces of wisdom that she offered me.

Tonight on Facebook, one of my friend's shared a note written by a neighbor. Scrolled on flowery St. Jude's Children's Hospital stationery the note said: "Your house color choice is hideous." It was signed, "Eyesore in the Neighborhood".

Naturally, my first reaction was shock. What kind of shallow, horrible person could do such a thing? Like the others who commented on the post, I felt total contempt for the person who did this. But, then I remembered what my mom said a few weeks ago. She told me, "If you don't like someone, pray for them. It is very hard to dislike someone that you are praying for."

Upon hearing my mom's words echoing in my head, I realized that the person who wrote that note must be very unhappy. I also came to the conclusion that this person probably doesn't (or won't) have anyone to turn to when things get tough. This thought brought me back to my mom. She is so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in her life. Everyday I am amazed when I see how her friends are walking beside her through this terrifying journey. She is so very lucky to have you.

Tonight as I celebrate the wealth of people who fill my mom's life with love, I send thoughts out to people who are less fortunate. May they fill the voids in their lives so that they can experience the joy of friendship, caring, and compassion.

Two things today: A brief update and a miracle.

First, I want to tell you that Mom’s first and second days of chemo/radiation went very well. We aren’t expecting any new reactions to the chemo. And, the doctors say that Mom probably won’t notice any side effects from the radiation for a couple of weeks. So, following our typical protocol, we are taking things one day at at time. Mom said yesterday, “My job right now is to absorb [the fluids and chemo] and to lie still [for the radiation]. I can do that.”

Second, today I was reminded of the first miracle that I received shortly after Mom received her cancer diagnosis. I would like to share it with you.

In the immediate days following the cancer diagnosis, we all felt very lost. The “plan” was to wait two weeks until one of the Kenosha doctor’s had some additional test results. My parents were preparing to wait in line. I think their manners and patience is a generational thing. But, I am from a different generation. An impatient and demanding generation! This was unacceptable. But, what could I do?

One morning, flooded with feelings of grief, uncertainty and helplessness, I sat in my office and cried. While I cried, I made a wish, said a prayer, asked for guidance, or something to that effect.  What should I do???

After my episode, I went to the bathroom to wash up. Returning to my computer, I decided to do a quick Internet search on cancer treatment facilities. Kevin said we should check out the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTC). So, their website was my first destination. Within moments my gaze became fixated on the upper left hand corner of the website. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

Before I proceed, I need to backtrack a little. The day after Mom’s diagnosis, I found one of my favorite pictures of my mom and made it the desktop picture on my computer screen. It is a picture that I took last summer in a park up north. Mom is flying Conrad's toy airplane in the picture. I see such joy and freedom in my Mom in this picture, that I wanted to be able to draw strength from it and keep it in front of me.

What had captivated my gaze on the website? In the upper left hand corner of the page was the CTC's logo. A logo that contains a silhouette of a child flying a toy airplane—just like the picture of my mom on my desktop! Some might say that it was just a freaky coincidence. But, everything inside of me told me that it was something more. Just minutes before I was pleading for direction. And, while I still didn't know exactly what I was supposed to do, I was certain that I was moving in the right direction.

Immediately, I wrote my dear friend Renee and told her what just happened. Was my mom supposed to go to CTC? Should I make the call? Within the hour, Renee responded to my email. She said that she does believe that I am on the right path in my search. But, she said that CTC is probably not the best place for my mom. She sent me some reviews of CTC, and after reading them, I knew she was right. Being the excellent friend that she is, she also sent me other very encouraging options to look into. Her first recommendation was Froedert. 

That afternoon after reading about the hospital, I called Froedert. The next day, Mom was registered with the Froedert’s Cancer Center and had an appointment set up to begin additional tests and a treatment plan. Things progressed so quickly at Froedert that she had already completed additional tests, met with an entire team of specialists and had her surgery scheduled before the first appointment in Kenosha would have occurred. Most importantly, my mom told me that she knew that this is where she needed to be.

Below are the pictures of my mom flying the airplane and the CTC logo. Looking at these pictures still gives me goosebumps! Although Mom is not being treated at CTC, I believe with all of my heart that I was being guided that day to begin the journey.

Tomorrow is a very big day. A huge day! Mom begins her first cycle of combined chemotherapy and radiation therapy. We leave her house at 4:30 in the morning. The day's activities will include blood work, appointment with Dr. Ritch, radiation, 2 hours of fluids, 2 hours of chemo, and two more hours of fluids. Please send extra thoughts, prayers and wishes her way this week as she begins this new stage of treatment.

I'm breaking a promise. I'm afraid that I cannot post about the new FROGs tonight. I forgot to download the pictures and gave the camera back to Mom! But, I do have something to share. This one is dedicated to all of you teachers out there...

Today I had an enlightening conversation with one of Mom's former students. The young man's name is Eric and he runs my son's after-school program. Yesterday, Eric saw Mom in the hall at school. She was there to help set up for the book fair. Eric told me that he couldn't believe all of the memories sparked by that simple encounter. He told me about the games they would play in class, and the videos that they made. He said that he learned so much from her class because she made it fun. He also told me that when he first found out that he had Mom for a teacher, the kids told him, "She is a great teacher. But, whatever you do, don't make her mad." Unfortunately, the day came when the class made her mad. Eric didn't have to say more. I knew.

"Worksheets, huh?" I said with a smile.

"Yeah!" he said. "The entire period. And no tootsie rolls! You never realize how good you have it until it gets taken away."

Eric went on to tell me that my Mom taught him something else that he will never forget. She always told the students that when she said, "Good Morning" or asked "How are you?" that she really meant it. It was at that moment that Eric was able to move beyond being a fifteen-year-old boy who was completely consumed with his teenage life. He realized that teachers were people with thoughts, feelings, and lives of their own. And, he decided, that maybe he could put aside the cool factor and spend some time getting to know this person that was making a special effort to get to know him.

I have been thinking about this conversation all evening. This young man's life was forever changed for the better, simply by being my mom's student. How many others are there like him? How many lives did she impact? How many people will carry with them forever my mom's life lessons? And, how many of those people will share those same lessons with others?

How many people have you shared a life lesson with? You probably can't even come close to realizing your positive impact on this world.

Tonight was a busy night, because Conrad had his second-grade music program at school. So, I am going to save telling you about the new FROGs for Friday night. But, I do have just a little FROG story for today. My mom, Charlie, Alicia and I went to Conrad's music program, only to discover that almost every child in the program was...

A FROG!!! 

The program was about a swamp full of frogs. Mom said that they were all singing for her. It was fabulous!

Yikes! I am falling seriously behind on telling you all about Mom's newest FROGS! In case you haven't heard, Ruth from the Senior Center started giving my mom FROG (fully relying on God) gifts back in February. This little critter support group has been growing steadily every week. However, in the past few days it has exploded! Not only is Ruth remaining consistent with her efforts, but some other loved ones have started adding to the group, too. Tonight, I am going to tell you about three welcome additions. (Tomorrow I will tell you about two others that I met today.)

In the picture below is:

1. Mom -- the beautiful and courageous woman with the most incredible hair style. I want those highlights!

2. Atlas -- the large floppy FROG who is in a tag team with Hercules (the first large, floppy FROG). I think that Ruth figured Mom may need a tag team next week when she begins her double whammy treatments of chemo and radiation.

3. MiMi -- the medium sized FROG who is holding the little frog. Ruth named this FROG "MiMi" after Mom because, like Mom, this frog does a wonderful job of taking care of her family.

4. Splat -- the smallest FROG who is being cradled by MiMi. Amanda named this little guy. I think it is a perfect name, considering all of the "splats" that Mom's family tends to get into.

Yesterday I asked my grandpa and grandma (Mom's deceased parents) if we could keep Mom for a while longer. Today they answered me. Mom's CT scan reveals that Mom's esophagus is back to a normal size. The tumor is responding very well to the chemo. And, Doctor Ritch says that Mom "has been jumping hurdles!" We could not have gotten better news!


One area that Mom is having a little trouble is with her platelet counts. She has been struggling with maintaining platelet counts for years. And, right now she is on the low side. The chemo makes this especially tough. I started poking around to see what dietary things we can do to help with this. Vitamin C is highly recommended. So is Papaya Leaf juice. So, if anyone's papaya trees are getting their leaves in, let me know.

Today I would like to tell you about three very special ladies in my Mom's life -- Gaye, Ruth, and Pat. These women presented Mom with the most wonderful FROG (fully relying on God) gift today. It is a beautiful ceramic frog for the garden that they made at the Senior Center. I am in complete awe at their talent, but even more captivated by their love and support for their dear friend, Marguerite. Below are several pictures that I would like to share with you. As you can see, this FROG is already bringing joy.

Below are the artists, Gaye, Ruth, and Pat.

 This next picture shows the beautiful workmanship. They actually made this!

The next two photos show Amanda and Conrad welcoming this new little guy to the family.

Lately, I have been researching various natural cancer treatments, specifically detoxing, diet, and intravenous vitamin C therapy. One thing that I absolutely cannot understand is why conventional medicine and natural healing cannot come to terms with one another. Mention diet to an oncologist and he will tell you that nutrition's impact on healing is minimal. Ask a nutritionist about conventional medicine and she will tell you it is poison. Why does a patient have to choose one or the other? I want to help my Mom get the best treatment possible. But, how can I know what the best is when the experts can't even agree?

I learned an important lesson today as I was out walking my dogs. Here it is:

Sometimes you have no choice but to walk through the mud. And, when you do, it isn't as bad as it first seemed.

From my lesson, you can surmise that the dogs and I were walking on some muddy trails today. It was not just a little mud. The puddles were more like quicksand. When I first approached one of these areas, my first inclination was to find a way around the mud. But, there wasn't a way around. I was in the woods and there were thick trees and bushes on either side of the trail.

I also considered turning around and going to the paved trail. But, when you have a dog that is as stubborn as Bear, it isn't that easy to turn around. He sits down and refuses to move. Sure, I could have carried him back. He only weighs 10 pounds. But, he was already incredibly muddy and I figured mud on my feet would be better than mud in my arms. So, through the mud I tromped.

The mud was so thick and squishy that I sunk in far past my soles. The mud and water oozed into my mesh shoes and soaked my feet through. I may as well been barefoot. Yes, it was quite yucky. But, it was actually a kind of "cool yucky" feeling. And, even though my feet were soaked, the sensation of hiking with wet feet was not nearly as bad I had thought it might be.

As I proceeded on through the woods, I quickly came to the realization that walking through the mud was worth it. It was such a beautiful Spring morning. Green leaves were starting to poke through the soil. The wind was soft and warm. I heard frogs for the first time this year! And, the dogs had a blast chasing each other in circles around me. Had I not gone through the mud, I realized, I would not have enjoyed the wonderful experience that nature had to offer me this morning.

So, now you are probably wondering why I am telling you this. After all, this blog is supposed to be about Mom. Mom has cancer. She is undergoing chemo and soon radiation. And, I am talking about my dirty feet? But, there is a correlation.

Mom is walking through mud right now. Lots of mud. Everyone who loves her is also on that walk. None of us chose this. If we could turn around or walk around it, we would. But, we can't. So we trudge on. And, as we do, we realize that it isn't as bad as we initially thought. Certainly, it is rough. But, we are getting through it. One day at a time. And every night, we wash our feet off. And every morning we put our boots back on. Some days are muddier than others. But, some days are really wonderful. Some days we even find treasures in the mud that we would not be aware of if we were not on this walk.

So, bring it on Spring! I can take the mud. Because, I know that summer is just around the corner.

I still don't have the camera to show pictures. But, I am going to share one story from this week anyway. I will post the picture later.

First, I must say that I likely won't get it all correct, because this story is coming to you third-hand. (Pat told my mom, my mom told me, and I am telling you.) But, I will do my best.

Pat Dolan, a very close friend of Mom's, told my mom of an unusual thing that happened to her this week. At Pat's church, the minister has been handing out pewter key chains that have different spiritual figures and scripture engraved into them. A couple of week's ago, one key chain in particular caught Pat's eye. It was in the shape of Christ holding out his arms with a scripture passage on the back. When Pat saw it, she thought of my mom, and how nice it would be to give her one. But, for one reason or another, Pat was not able to get one.

A week or two later at service, Pat reached into the pew for her hymnal or Bible and what did she find? The exact key chain that she wanted to get for Mom! Pat said that this experience was unbelievable because she always sits in the same spot at church every week. And, she knew that there wasn't a key chain in the pew the week before. Pat said that when she found the key chain in the pew, she had an overwhelming feeling that she had to give the key chain to Mom. And, of course, she did.

Mom is so delighted with this story! She couldn't wait to tell me about it and show me the key chain. She said she has been experiencing so many things like this since her diagnosis. Mom calls them little miracles. And, with the joy and peace these stories bring to my Mom, I am inclined to agree.

I have many stories and pictures to share. But, I am extremely tired from tonight's festivities. (We celebrated Eliana's birthday tonight.) And, I need to get my paws on Mom's camera! With Craig and Eliana visiting I don't think I could pry that camera out of Mom's hands if I tried.

Tomorrow Mom goes in for her CAT scan. (Actually, I think it is written CT scan. All of this reading I am doing is paying off.) I don't know when we will received the results of the scan. It may not be until the 20th when Mom meets with Dr. Riche. Let's all think positive and hope that the tumor is shrinking and shriveling like a grape on an Arizonan sidewalk. Like that analogy? Boy, I really AM tired!

When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer, she said something that I will remember forever. It was the most painful thing in the world for me to hear. But, it was also one of the most important things she could ever tell me. She whispered through her tears, "I just want a little more time."

I have repeated her words over and over in my head, countless times. "I just want a little more time." And every time I hear it, my eyes well up with tears. In 40 years, I have never heard my mom want anything for herself. I am sure that she has. We all do, right? But, one thing is certain -- the vast majority of my Mom's life has been devoted to others. Me, my brothers, my dad, her grandchildren, her family, her students, her friends -- the list goes on.

And while those words were so incredibly difficult for me to hear, they were also the greatest gift. So pure. So rare. And, given to me. And now, to you.

Today Mom found out that she will be starting her first chemo/radiation therapy cycle on March 26th. I am hoping to be able to go with her because that first day is going to be another marathon treatment. It sounds like blood work, oncologist appointment, radiation, fluids, chemo, more fluids. We are going to have to figure out how this is all going to work, because radiation is going to be five days a week for probably ten weeks. (I am not sure if they take a break between cycles when it comes to radiation.) I know that she is at the best hospital in the area. I just wish that my parents didn't have to do so much traveling and that I could take more of the burden.


On a happier note, Mom received another beautiful card over the weekend! I took a picture of it. Unfortunately, I cannot remember how to spell the giver's first name, so I will wait for confirmation from Mom before I tell you. Besides, a little mystery is good for the soul.

By the way, if anyone has any great ideas of what I can do to make all of the cards Mom has been getting into a wonderful keepsake, please let me know!

Mom has a big week ahead of her.

Monday, Mom goes up to Froedert to have this cast-like thing made of her body that they will use for the radiation therapy. As I understand it, she will lay in this mold during each radiation treatment.

Wednesday, Craig and Eliana (Mom's son and youngest grandchild) are coming for a three-day visit! We will be celebrating Eliana's fifth birthday and my husband's 40th birthday on Thursday. Since Mom turns 70 next month, maybe we will have to add her special day to the festivities, too. I know Mom is really looking forward to their visit. So are the rest of us!

Friday, Mom goes back up to Froedert for a CAT scan. This test will tell us how the tumor is responding to the chemo and will help radiology map out their battle plan.

So, if you don't see Mom this week in yoga, aerobics, book club, hospice, or any other of her usual places, don't worry. She is still doing well, and is just busy, busy, busy.

Conrad (my 8-year-old son) earned a medal Thursday night for participating in chess club. He is very excited and proud of this medal. The first thing he said to me on Friday morning is, "I am going to let Mimi wear my medal all day on Saturday. We will have to go over and pick it up Saturday night, but she gets to wear it all day." I asked Conrad why she wants Mimi to wear his medal. He pointed at his throat. Below is a picture of Mimi wearing the medal today. I thought you all might enjoy seeing it.

I just love the card that Denise at the Senior Center gave Mom!

Mom tells me that there are people who are being brought into her life for a reason on this journey. She describes these relationships as miracles. Today, Mom shared with great joy another miracle that has stepped into her life. Her name is Sheila.

Mom and Sheila both go to the Kenosha Senior Center. But, it was not until the two ladies met at Froedert that they even realized that they knew of each other. Sheila is on a similar journey as my mom and is being treated for breast cancer. The first time that Mom met Sheila at Froedert, she described the encounter as amazing. After all, they didn't meet at the Senior Center in the city that they both live in. Instead, they met at the hospital an hour away and they struck up a meaningful conversation. I don't know exactly what they talked about, but I do know that it made quite an impression on Mom.

Today, Mom received a phone call from Sheila. This kind woman, in the midst of her own challenge, went out of her way to track down my mom to tell her about a clinical study they are doing regarding blackberries and esophageal cancer. Mom said that they talked for almost an hour. The joy I heard in my Mom's voice as she related this experience was incredible and totally inspired by the miraculous heart of this very special soul.

Today Mom told me, "I just broke a new record! Two Big Macs in two hours!" We looked it up and that is over 1,000 calories. She is so cute because she grazes all day and records every bite in her food diary. For someone who is not naturally much of an eater, she is really packing it in!

Best of all, Mom is feeling pretty good again. Today she went to hospice with Pat Dolan and did some shopping. She might have even done her aerobics or yoga class, too. Nothings feels better than seeing my mom out and about and enjoying life.

When I stopped by to visit Mom tonight, she was very excited to show me the newest addition to her support network—a small knit frog with kneesocks and mittens named Fritz. Mom's good friends Ruth and Jim from the Senior Center have been building this very special support network. The members of the support network are all frogs! Ruth says that FROG stands for "Fully Relying On God". Below is the latest picture of Mom with her favorite FROGS. And, her favorite DOG snuck in the picture, too.

Let me see if I can caption this correctly. From left to right we have 1. Lucy (the dog who has changed my parents lives in so many ways we could never thank her enough), 2. Hercules (the big guy that mom sleeps with every night), 3. Jethro (the happy pink frog that attends all of Mom's appointments and treatments), 4. Sweety (the googly-eyed board book that always brings on a smile), Fritz (the latest addition), and Romeo (her special valentine frog). Also, although you can't see it very well in the picture, Mom's shirt is also a FROG gift from Ruth and Jim. It says, "Fully Relying On God." Thank you so very much, Ruth and Jim!

Mom met with Dr. Gore, her radiologist today. Here are the basics of what they discussed.

1. First and foremost, Mom gained two pounds! And, it is not water weight either. When I say that Mom has been doing an awesome job eating, I am not exaggerating.

2. Monday, March 12th Mom has an appointment in radiology. They will be making an aqua-plast of her back. Mom will lay in this mold every time she receives a radiation treatment. This ensures precision.

3. Friday, March 16th Mom will have a CAT scan done. This will give the doctors an idea of how the tumor is responding to the chemotherapy. The best news about this is that Mom may not have to drink Barium. She hates that stuff.

4. Tuesday, March 20th Mom meets with Dr. Ritch, her oncologist. I think this is a prep appointment for the next cycle.

5. Although the dates have not been set, yet, Mom will be receiving six weeks of radiation. She will be going in five days a week for about 15-20 minutes a session. That means 30 radiation sessions. Also, during this time, she will be receiving two more cycles of chemotherapy.

6. Dr. Gore said that during radiation, Mom will begin to experience some pain when swallowing and a thick-substance in her esophagus. This will be due to the tumor dying and cells sloughing off. They will be able to give her medication for the pain. And, it will be tolerable. I told Mom that whenever she feels a pang, to say to the cancer, "Take that, Sucker!"

Right now, Mom is looking forward to having more energy and no treatments this week. Best yet, Craig and Eliana are coming to visit next week! She is going to love that more than anything.

Tomorrow Mom and Dad go to meet with Dr. Gore, Mom's radiologist. The next treatment cycle, which will begin in about two weeks, will consist of both chemotherapy and radiation therapy. It sounds like Mom will be receiving the same dose of chemo during that cycle. As of now, we don't know much about the radiation plan. I do know that radiation therapy is a very precise science that is targeted specifically at the tumor. So, the planning is especially critical. I have great confidence in Mom's medical team. I only wish I could attend the appointment so that I could learn first-hand what to expect. I will communicate what I learn as soon as I learn it.

Today I would like to share with you a little miracle that came my way.


I was feeling very sad and scared this morning. I know that most of my posts are positive. And most of the time I am positive. But I would not be truthful if I didn't say that I also have moments where I feel fear, sadness, and at times, the worst grief I have ever known.


I am not a religious person. I am also not an atheist. I suppose I could be considered an agnostic. But, it really doesn't matter. One thing is certain. I carry with me a sense of spirituality that I believe ties every human being together, regardless of their specific faith. Some people go to church. Some go to synagogue. And still others journey great lengths on pilgrimages to be closest to their faith. For me, when I want to be in touch with that force, I go into nature.

There is a special spot in a clearing in the woods not far from my home. It is a short car trip and about a 30 minute hike. I have walked this path many times before. However, it is only within the last year that I found this patch of earth to offer something so unique that I have no other way to describe it than as being completely surreal. Regardless of my state of mind or the weather, whenever I enter this space I feel an overwhelming sense of peace and well being. I could take you there. But, it may not speak to you. Every person who seeks spirituality in nature must find her own place. It is easy to do. You just have to let it find you.

Today, the journey was especially challenging. We received a fair amount of snow mixed with rain overnight.
And, crossing the fields the wind whipped so strong that it stung my cheeks. My little dogs accompanied me. They always do. And because nobody else was out this morning, I decided to let them run free.


Sometimes when I go here, I don't have a specific purpose. Today I did. I needed some direction. I needed guidance. Above all, I needed comfort. And so, as I approached my special spot, I asked for it. 


I had barely entered the area when in front of me, a large bird flew across the path. It was cold, miserable, and we had not encountered a single living creature on the hike except for the trees that had no choice but to stand strong. The bird's appearance was in itself very unique. But where it's flight directed my gaze stood the miracle. 


On the edge of the woods, I saw the tree. It's branches were heavy with snow. It looked as if it might collapse from the weight. All around the tree it was grey, and snowy, and yet the most beautiful scene one could imagine. What really captured my attention though, was what I saw at the top of this tree. I saw the peace sign that people make with their fingers. This was the same sign that people were making at the concert Alicia and I attended the other night. So, it was fresh in my mind. It was peace. I was being told that there is peace. And everything that we are going through right now is just static. The snow. The wind. The cold. The cancer. The chemo. In the end, there is peace. Take comfort.


Below is a picture of the miracle that was offered to me this morning. I hope it gives you some comfort.

Yesterday was Mom's last chemo treatment of this cycle. Today she had to go in just to get a shot that will stimulate white blood cell production. She should start gradually regaining her energy over the next few days. She said that last time she thinks she did too much, too soon. So, this time she is going to take it slower and ease back into activity.

When I stopped to visit Mom tonight, she shared a quote with me that brought a smile to both of our faces.

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." 

—Mother Teresa