Mom is still struggling to find food that she can eat. However, she is finally able to eat certain solids. And, she is not experiencing the pain that she was. Her biggest challenge right now is finding food that is palatable and being able to consume amounts large enough to give her a decent caloric intake. She seems to have lost some weight in the past few weeks. But, when I asked her today, she admits that she feels better than she did two weeks ago. I can see it when I visit her. She used to be camped out on the couch most of the time. Now, she is up and around much more. I told her not to worry. She is doing the best that she can and since she feels better, she must be doing just fine. A time will come when she will be able to pack it on. We just need to be patient. If you see Mom this week, please remind her how great she is doing.

As always, you are more than welcome to read today's post. However, please know that my intent is not to convince any of you of my love and devotion to my mom. If you know me or have followed this blog, you know where my heart lies. Instead, this post is to serve as a reminder to myself as to how I have been spending these days. I worry that someday I may read back over my blog entries and see a gap of three days. I do not want to leave myself wondering why. I cannot leave any room for me to second guess myself. There must not be any regrets. My mom is on my mind and in my heart every step of the way.

I speak to Mom daily. Usually several times a day. Every day that it is possible, I visit my mom. I stop at my parents house after work. On the weekends I come each day. I make her egg drop soup. I take Lucy on our "fat camp" hikes. I help Mom do things around the house. We sit. We talk. We are together.

Today was one of the most wonderful days. It is Dad's birthday. He and I went out to the flea market in Wilmot. It was exceptionally hot for Memorial Day weekend. But, that didn't slow us down. When we returned I went home and picked up my dogs. We went back to my parents and Mom and I and the three dogs sat in the shade. We read a little. We talked a little. We enjoyed the breeze. Later Dad and I took the three dogs on a walk down to the pond. It was so hot that we decided to chance a short cut on the way home. We cut through the yards and made our way through the brush that lines the back lot at my parent's house. It was one of those days that you wish would never ever end. I wish that I could take a day like this, put it in my pocket, and pull it out anytime.

Today I received a welcome surprise. Mom called me this afternoon while I was at work, not for any reason in particular, just to say "hi" and tell me about her day. Mom calling me at work is not a surprise in itself. But, what was a surprise was that she just wanted to chat. I could tell by the sound in her voice and the conversation that she was feeling pretty good. Tonight Conrad and I will stop by for our usual visit. It is a good day.

Tonight when Mom answered her phone she had the old sing-song tone in her voice. That is definitely a good sign. One day soon my first question upon talking to her will change from, "How are you feeling today?" to "Do you want to go to dinner?" And her response will be "Yes!"

At eight years old, my son Conrad has never been an independent reader. He has always enjoyed being read to. In fact, we read to him every night. But, he has never taken the initiative to read on his own without us prompting it.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I picked Conrad up from his after school program, and saw him sitting quietly at a table reading. Without me even knowing it, Conrad had read 62 pages in a school library book that he had just gotten yesterday!

He was most eager to share his reading pleasure with his Mimi when we stopped tonight for a visit. Below is a picture of the two of them enjoying Conrad's library book. I think this is what mom means when she talks about dancing in the rain.

Today Mom had an appointment with her radiologist. After learning her symptoms, Dr. Gore prescribed some medications to help. Because of the pain that Mom experiences when swallowing, Dr. Gore believes that there is some excessive irritation in the esophagus. So, she prescribed her a stronger medication for coating her esophagus. Dr. Gore also prescribed a medication that will reduce the acid in her stomach. This should relieve the extreme acid reflux that sends Mom into coughing fits that are much like the dry heaves.

At this point, the doctors are not going to run any tests. We need to get Mom feeling better first! So, they set up two appointments -- one in two weeks that Mom only needs to keep if she is not feeling better. The other is in a month.

Mom was excited because on the way home they stopped at the Lazy-Boy store and ordered Mom the comfiest chair imaginable! Mom said that she has never sat in anything quite like it. It is going to be delivered on Thursday, along with a $1400 desk that Dad got for $99. Not bad!

The past few days have been about the same. Mom is still having a difficult time passing food. It isn't the swallowing that is the problem. It hurts when the food passes through the area in her esophagus that received the radiation. She is doing the best she can at keeping the calories coming in through her shakes which she has grown to despise more than anything. We have found one thing that helps. Charlie's egg drop soup! It really isn't a special recipe that belongs to my husband. But, he was the first one to make it for her, so it will forever be known as his specialty. Not only does the egg drop soup go down well, but Mom says that it also soothes her stomach.

Tomorrow Mom heads back up to Froedert to meet with Dr. Gore, her radiologist. They will determine if Mom is ready to undergo the tests to see how the cancer has responded. I will post what we learn tomorrow evening after I find out the details.

The frog below is from my mom's friends Ruth and Jim (the couple who started the FROG business.) According to Ruth, her name is Lila and she is a girly-girl. Mom's job is to keep her safe from any bully frogs. Isn't she sweet? You just have to smile when you see her.

Mom has decided that it is time to start letting some of the less important things in life pass. I think many of us need to. I know that I do. It seems like it should be so simple. But, it is actually very difficult in an age when we all have so many demands. My dad has a T-shirt that says, "I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either." Maybe I should place an order. Anybody else interested?

Every time I hear this song, I think of my mom. And I have been hearing it often lately.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5djkVhLjw18

Mom added a solid food to her diet. Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls! She says that they are soft enough and have very little taste. (Her senses are all still extremely acute, so bland tastes are best.) Tonight Charlie is going to make her some egg drop soup.

Again, I am having a hard time keeping up with all of the wonderful FROG (fully relying on God) gifts that Mom is receiving. So, I think I will just start posting pictures so that I don't forget to share them with you. I do not have a unique description for each, but please know that Mom loves each and every one. Here are a few of the most recent!

 

Today was Mother's Day.
 

Conrad, myself, and the dogs went to visit Mom and Dad this morning. When we arrived, Mom had returned from church and was about to begin one of the most dreaded deeds of her day -- drinking a shake. She has been consuming three shakes a day because that is best way for her to be getting her calories and nutrition right now. Unfortunately, it is very painful to swallow. And, she is so sick of shakes! But, she is starting to introduce some soft foods back into her diet. Watermelon and scrambled eggs were on the menu this past weekend.

After her shake, we took the dogs for a walk and Conrad rode his bike. The weather in Wisconsin today is absolutely gorgeous. You could not ask for better. Sunny. 70. Blue and green. Beautiful.

When we returned from our walk, Mom and I sat on the couch and looked at a couple of her Mother's Day presents from years past. One year I had made a book that I called "The Things My Mom Taught Me." It was fun to read the entries and it made me think that I need to add to that book. In the past three months, Mom has taught me so many more things! We also looked through a book of photographs that Eliana (Mom's youngest granddaughter) had given Mom. The book shows many of the wonderful together moments that Eli and MiMi have shared.

After we left, Mom said that she spent the afternoon relaxing on the deck. Kevin came out and sat with her for a while. Mom and Kevin always have interesting conversations. The birds were very busy at the many feeders that my parents have put out for them. And, Mom said that she could hear Dad listening to the baseball game below.

Although I didn't ask, I am sure that Mom had plans this evening to Skype with Craig, Madeline, and Eliana. It is a Sunday evening tradition.

Happy Mother's Day to all.

Mom is doing better. At least she seems to have more energy. Today she went to aerobics. Tomorrow she plans to do some shopping. Unfortunately, it is not fun shopping. She is going to the GNC to find this stuff that is supposed to be highly caloric. That is about all that is new on our home front for today. But, in case you are interested, I spent my evening making a hat out of pipe cleaners for Conrad's crazy hat day at school. And, Charlie agreed to model it for me. Doesn't he look happy?

Mom described today as rather typical, with the exception of taking a nice walk around the neighborhood. The weather here was perfect and I am glad that she got out to enjoy it! She said that it tired her out. But, one day soon she is going to be a bundle of energy, just like she used to be before these treatments. I have never met anyone with the stamina of my mother. If you have ever been on an international trip with Mom and been given a "free day" by your touring group, you know what I am talking about. I will never forget our trip to London. After the first "free day" we were all pleading, "No more free days! Please!"

Come to think of it, this past weekend I stumbled upon a few pictures of our last trip to Madrid. I think I will share a couple with you...


Below: Mom and I at Santa Cruz Del Valle (I think).

Below: Pat, me and Mom
(I don't remember the exact spot, but we were near the Mediterranean Sea.)

As usual, I stopped by to visit with Mom for a bit and took some pictures of her new FROGs. I will be sharing them with you throughout the week.

Mom seemed to have had an okay day. She went to yoga and book club at the Senior Center, which always makes her happy. However, she had a couple of pretty bad coughing fits. Hearing her gag is so awful. I hate that I can't do anything for her when she has a spell. But, she handles it amazingly, just like everything else.

Below is a card that Ruth and Jim gave Mom today. When I saw this, it brought tears to my eyes. I cannot describe how much this card touched me. Maybe it was because I opened it just after one of Mom's coughing fits. Or maybe it was because of the rainy day. But, this card really spoke to me today. Thank you, Ruth and Jim. Your attitude and optimism are just what the doctor ordered.

It looks like things may be looking up. Mom called the hospital today and canceled her fluids. She did, however, still have to go up to Froedert to have the needle removed. When I saw her she was planning on resting, washing some laundry, doing one of her fitness videos, and, of course, drinking her shakes which takes a great deal of time and effort.

When I asked her if she had anything to post today, she said that she wanted to share something that her friend Grace Dary had written on Facebook.

"Good morning. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help. So, have a good day."

Conrad and I visited with Mom for a bit tonight. Conrad earned a Bakugan (which is a small action figure toy) from Mom by capturing a fly with his bare hands. Mom is fine with most insects. She even likes spiders. But she hates flies. So, he was a bit of a hero and felt pretty good about it.

Although Mom had her last day of scheduled chemo last week and her last day of scheduled radiation on Tuesday, she has been going up to Froedert just about every day to receive fluids. I don't think this was a big concern of her medical team. But, Mom felt more comfortable not having to worry if she is drinking enough. Now, she is concerned that she may get too much fluid. I told her to just listen to her body. She does an excellent job of that anyway.

She is still very tired. And her esophageal and back hurt when she swallows. She says that it is tolerable with a liquid diet. So, she continues to fix herself nutritious shakes three or four times a day.

Mom says that Dad is being absolutely wonderful helping her out, taking care of things around the house, and just being the good guy that he is.

If you have ever loved an animal that you have had to say your final goodbyes to, you will appreciate this story. If you haven't, you will think I am crazy. But, I'm okay with that.

I had a friend named Derry. Derry was the most wonderful golden retriever that you could know. She was the kindest soul and lived to be near her people. She was not "my dog" in the sense that she lived in another house, with other owners who loved her very much. They owned the company where I am employed and they brought Derry in every day. Because her owners are elderly people and were not able to walk her, I walked Derry every day on my lunch break. After lunch, Derry would take her afternoon nap at my feet, under my desk. We were the best of friends.

In February of this year Derry died. She had cancer that could not be controlled. I was never able to say a final goodbye. At the time my life seemed to be falling apart in so many ways. My mom was just diagnosed with cancer. A few weeks later my husband lost his job. Losing Derry was something that I couldn't cope with. So, I set the pain aside.

Yesterday I decided to start taking a walk on my lunch break again. I had always walked with Derry. This was my first time walking without her. I decided to go on one of our favorite walks. It is a nice neighborhood that is lined by fields. I always enjoyed watching and listening to the red-winged black birds in the fields. I wasn't prepared for the sadness that filled me.

As I walked, grief rose inside of me. My friend was gone. She was really gone and would never walk beside me again. I couldn't help but think how much she would enjoy the day, if she were here. I broke down in tears. And then I spoke to her. I told her, "Derry, I miss you. I love you very much. And, if there is any way for you to let me know if you are okay, will you please do so?" I realize that this sounds a little crazy. But, if you have ever loved an animal that you have lost, I think you will understand.

Today I decided to take the same walk. I was expecting to feel sadness again. But, I was not expecting this...

Walking toward me on the sidewalk about a block away was a man and his golden retriever. I was quite a distance from them, but I could see from the dog's posture that the dog was very eager to meet me. I slowly approached and called to the man, "Is it okay if I say hello to your dog?"

The man told me "yes" and he released his dog, who came running toward me with such happy anticipation that it filled my heart. At this point, I realized that I had met this man and his dog Cody before. Derry and I had met them probably six months earlier on one of our walks.

I was absolutely stunned by the greeting that Cody offered me. His entire body wagged. I instinctively knelt down beside him and he just oozed with joy. I couldn't help but return the sentiment. Cody's owner started talking to me, and I tried to listen, but I was completed distracted. The only thing that I have ever experienced like this was when I went away to Spain for ten days and saw my own two dogs upon my return. But they were my dogs. And I was gone for days. Why were this dog and I who I hadn't spent more than ten minutes of our lives together so happy to see each other? And then it hit me.

I cannot describe how I know this. But everything in my being tells me that for a moment in time I was reunited with my dear friend Derry. I asked her to speak to me. And, she did.

Below is a picture of Derry and my son Conrad.