Have you ever done something that you thought was a good idea at the time, only to find out later -- well, perhaps it wasn't? I suppose everyone has. I'd like to share a recent experience of mine.
As many of you know, my mom kept journals. These, of course, are sacred treasures to me. Although, I am not devouring them at the rate that I thought I would. It is simply more painful than I thought it would be right now. Anyway, I did read my mom's last journal -- the one that started in December of 2012 (right before she learned of the cancer) and ended only weeks before she passed.
I decided that I was going to read this journal backwards. I figured that it would be too difficult for me to relive the last year of mom's life in linear fashion, with the cancer progressing. I thought it would be easier and more comforting to me to make the trip backwards -- starting with the cancer at its worse and ending with her being cancer free (or at least unaware of its presence). I was wrong. It turns out, mom seemed more at peace in the final months of her life, even as she knew her death was approaching.
I would like to share with you one of her entries. She wrote this less than two weeks after we learned the cancer had metastasized to her brain. At this time, her mobility was very limited. She needed a walker to go even short distances. But, she was determined to get her exercise in! (I know that she wouldn't mind me sharing this, as she had also written in her journal that she wants to continue talking to everyone, even after she dies.)
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Everyday is a gift. Some gifts are "better" than others. Today came with a gray wrapper - RAIN and CLOUDS. If I had judged gifts from my mom by the wrapper, I would never have opened them. She put things in brown paper bags and stapled them shut. Christmas, too! Inside were always beautiful, hand-made things. LESSON: Open the gray day and see what's inside. As soon as I finish my tuna-on-toast breakfast, I'm going for walks in the hall.
