Today, on my mom's 71st birthday, I have decided to give myself the gift of "being". I will not succumb to mine or others' preconceived ideas of how I should feel or what I should do on this day. Instead, I will allow myself to experience each thought and feeling as it occurs without judgement—let each pass through me like a cleansing spring shower.
So far:
I felt the emptiness of waking up again in a world without my mom.
As I got out of the shower, I noticed how much my legs resemble my mom's legs—bringing me a sense of wonder and comfort.
Putting on my eyeshadow, I felt extreme compassion and love for the person in the mirror. I wanted to reach out, run my hand down her cheek, and hold her.
I enjoyed being outside in the driveway, in the cool, moist spring air—if only for a moment.
And, as always, the first iced tea of the day is delicious.
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