Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Your prayers are getting through!

The MRI from last Wednesday shows no significant growth in the brain tumors from the MRI that Mom had done on January 4th.

The doctors are being very proactive and will be starting another cycle of brain radiation on Monday. Mom will receive 10 treatments of radiation that will be targeted at the tumors (as opposed to the full brain radiation she received last October.)

We are one happy family today. And, we are looking forward to visiting the Civil War museum on Saturday. Life couldn't be better at this very moment.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Mom's new motto:

"Fake it until you make it!"

If she was "faking it" at dinner tonight, I'd sure like to know where she put all of her roasted chicken and mashed potatoes!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Today's story is dedicated to Michelle and Gloria. Thank you.

One morning, a couple of week's ago, I stumbled into my bathroom to begin my usual morning routine. As I approached the sink, I noticed that it was inhabited. Now, I know that many people get totally freaked out by spiders. But, not me. When I find a spider in my home, I either leave it alone, or move it to a more suitable location. I think I get this from my mom. She doesn't mind spiders in the house. She says that they "take care" of the other insects. Plus, I am the kind of person who is saddened when a tree falls.

My plan was to gently coax the spider onto a piece of toilet tissue and free it in the basement (which is a creepy -crawly buffet for spiders in my old house.) But, the spider didn't know my good intentions. She saw me coming and climbed down to her safety inside the drain. I could see her sitting there on the drain wall, waiting patiently for the danger to pass. Not knowing how long she would stay there, I called to my husband and told him not to use the sink. (He is used to the crazy lengths I will go to save a critter.)

I thought that I was going to have to wait until after my shower before the spider came out. But, to my surprise, she was a gutsy little thing. This time, I outsmarted her and plugged the drain, eliminating her only escape route. I managed to persuade her to step onto the tissue paper. As I carefully wrapped the sides of the tissue loosely around her, I noticed that she curled herself up into a tight little ball. There was nothing left for her to do, but hunker down and hope for the best. Quickly, I took her down to the basement and set the tissue on the floor. She was free.

As I got ready for the day, I thought about how that little spider and I are a lot alike. Sometimes I feel so incredibly frightened, that I want to curl up in a ball and wait for the danger to pass. Limited to a consciousness inside a human brain, I cannot see the bigger picture. All any of us can see is what we experience. We are born. We live. We die. That situation renders us almost helpless. But, unlike the spider, we have the ability to reflect on our limited awareness.

Some people take comfort in being part of the "supreme species" -- the human race. It makes them feel strong and secure. I, on the other hand, take comfort in knowing that I am not much different than any other animal on this planet. I have my conscious limitations, just like the spider in my sink. She didn't know that I was bringing her to a better place. I don't know where this cancer journey is going to take us. But, I have faith that wherever it leads, ultimately we will all be in a better place. Someone who can see the big picture will carry us to eternal safety.

Monday, January 21, 2013

So, here's the scoop.

Mom's CT scan came back clean! It does not show that the cancer has spread to any internal organs. This, of course, is fantastic news.

Her platelet counts are on the low side. So, chemotherapy is not an option right now. That may change in the near future. The way that I look at it is that maybe she is not supposed to receive chemotherapy right now. Perhaps she is supposed to keep eating well, enjoying life, and staying positive. Chemotherapy might squash those priorities. So, we need to just roll with what we are given.

Mom will be receiving another MRI either this week or early next week. They want to see if the brain tumors have grown since the last test. If they have, Dr. Gore may prescribe more radiation to the brain. It may be a more targeted approach this time, as opposed to the whole brain radiation that she received in October.

Today Mom and Dad are eating lunch at Oscars. Mom plans to finish all of her fish. And, I am sure that Dad will finish all of his, too. (That is never an issue.)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

This has been a most wonderful weekend! My brother Craig and his family are here and we are spending time together eating, celebrating birthdays, and eating some more! (Hey, what else is there to do when the weather is turning from icy cold to frigid?) Mom is especially enjoying the time with her youngest grandchild, Eliana. Today the two snuggled up in her comfy chair and watched two episodes of Little House in the Prairie from a DVD set that Eli got for her upcoming 6th birthday. The biggest triumph of the weekend so far was Mom walking down her basement stairs today! The chant one hears ringing through the Conrad household these days is, "Go Mimi, go! Go, Mimi, go!"

Here is a funny story that will help you to understand Mom's exceptional state of mind. Seven of us were leaving a restaurant Saturday morning. Mom was first with her entourage of family members holding doors or following close behind. As Mom was about to exit the building with her walker, a man with a cane and his wife were getting ready to enter. My sister-in-law said jokingly to Mom and the approaching couple, "Who has the right-away here?" Mom piped up, "I do!" She pointed at her walker and said, "I have four canes, and he only has one!" Everyone laughed, especially the man with the cane.

In regards to Mom's treatment, she completed the radiation treatments to her spine last Wednesday. She is not experiencing an improvement in her mobility at this time. But, she is doing a great job of figuring out how to maneuver her body in this new state. On Thursday the doctors performed a CT scan. They are checking her internal organs in the hopes that they remain clear. We will get the results tomorrow. Mom is also having blood work done tomorrow and will meet with her oncologist to discuss next steps in her treatment plan. Dr. Ritche may be recommending a course of chemotherapy.

The biggest thing that I am struggling with is keeping my fear in check. Every day I remind myself that while I cannot control the cancer, I can control how I respond to it. Lucky for all of us we have the bravest, wisest of all role models to follow -- Mom.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Mom offered me some incredible insight this morning that I want to share!

1. A good poop is better than good hair (or any hair for that matter).

2. A trip to Monkey Joes with grandkids is better than a trip to Bolivia alone.

Good thing for Mom she will be getting the better of each. Good poop -- that was this morning. Trip to Monkey Joes with grandkids -- probably this weekend as Craig and his family are coming to visit!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Have you ever had a smiled plastered to your face while tears streamed down your cheeks? Well, that is what happened to me today on my hike in the woods, as I thanked God for the past year of blessings. A year ago today Mom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Today, she is still with us.

While this year has been the most difficult of our lives, it has also been a year of great blessings. We have experienced the most generous love of our friends and the goodness of strangers. We have realized what is most important in life and learned to let go of what isn't. We have loved without holding back. We have discovered a well within us that offers a never-ending supply of strength and courage (although at times we have had to dig it a little deeper.) We have cried many tears and laughed so hard that our insides hurt. And, for me, this year has introduced a faith in God that stretches beyond our time on earth.

Below is a picture that I took on my hike today. It doesn't look like much -- just a treetop against the sky. The quality of the photo is poor, too. (I took it on my phone.) But, it is extremely significant to me. March 3rd of last year this tree was presented to me as a message of peace and comfort. (You can read the story in this post: http://mimiswishingwell.blogspot.com/2012/03/today-i-would-like-to-share-with-you.html) Today as I gazed up at the tree, I gave thanks for this gift as it has helped me through many difficult times.















Thursday, January 10, 2013

I had written a post for tonight, but decided to go back and delete it. I was not in a good state of mind. Cancer has a way of getting one down. But, I reminded myself that while I cannot control what the cancer does, I can control how I react to it. So, take that, Cancer!

Mom is able to walk with her walker. She is eating well. The tumors in her spine are getting a good healthy dose of daily radiation (which will continue through Thursday of next week). Next week we learn what Mom's oncologist has outlined in his battle plan, which will likely include chemotherapy. I will write more about the treatment when I learn more.

Below is my son Conrad's Christmas wish. So, tonight wasn't so good...but overall we couldn't be more blessed. Thanks for reminding me, Conrad.



Sunday, January 6, 2013

I can tell by the number of page views this blog has received today, many of you have heard that Mom was in the hospital. If you haven't heard, please don't feel left out. We haven't had direct conversations with anyone except immediate family. We are not keeping secrets. We are just dead tired.

Last week Mom started experiencing symptoms in her legs. We originally thought her muscles were aching because of her new exercise bike. But, by Friday it was evident that something else was going on.

Friday morning Dad and I took her up the ER at Froedtert according to the instructions of her radiologist. Although they scheduled an MRI for Monday to look at Mom's spine, her team wanted to get her seen sooner. The only way to do that was by admitting her through the ER. So, we did.

After many hours of meeting with an entourage of medical professionals and just plain sitting around and waiting, Mom was brought back for an MRI of her lower spine and brain. The initial results show a cluster of small tumors growing on the bottom end of her spine. Although these tumors are quite small, they are pressing on nerves and are likely the culprit for the lack of mobility in her legs. The tests also show a couple of new tumors on her brain, although they are so small that they could not be responsible for the current set of symptoms.

Mom was immediately started on a regimen of dexamethasone (a steroid) to reduce swelling. It didn't take long for the medication to alleviate some of her symptoms. This, I am told, is good news because it means that the damage may be reversible.

The plan to reverse the damage and help her gain back her mobility is a course of radiation targeted at the tumors on her spine. They kept Mom overnight on Friday and radiation was started Saturday afternoon. Froedtert actually opened up the radiology department especially for Mom. (They don't typically perform radiation treatment on the weekends.) Now that is the kind of care that makes one feel...well...cared for! Saturday evening we were discharged. (I say "we" because, like last time, I stayed with mom. Luckily, unlike last time, I was given a cot which made me a content camper.) Today Mom and Dad made the trip back up to the cancer center for her second radiation treatment.

On Monday Mom and Dad head back up to the cancer center for the third radiation treatment. They will also be talking with Mom's radiologist and oncologist to discuss the battle plan. The spinal radiation will continue. They will also likely plan some additional radiation for her brain. This may be another cycle of whole brain radiation, or they may decide to go with a more targeted approach. It is also likely that chemotherapy is going to be part of the package.

Naturally, we are all emotionally taxed. Mom, of course, is also very tired physically. But, she remains in good spirits. In fact, we had some great laughs while we were in the hospital. The following is probably the funniest!

We decided that it would be best if Dad went home and I came back to the hospital to stay with Mom. When I returned, they had just set Mom up in a room. As I walked in her room, Mom was laughing with her new best buddy and medical technician, Dennis. Dennis (who Mom calls Dennis-the-Menace) is a kind black man with a shiny bald head and a huge smile that is parted by a missing front tooth. As Dennis was leaving the room Mom called to him, "Hey, Dennis! You and I must have the same barber!" as she whipped off her wig to expose her own, beautiful bald head. I gotta tell you--it doesn't get any funnier than that.

Below is a picture of Mom during this hospital stay. (The picture quality isn't the greatest because I took it on my Ipod. But, I still love it.)